Friday, February 22, 2008

Does anyone else have a problem with being sabotaged by her family?

My husband knows I have been struggling with my weight since we got married. In the first year we were married, I gained 40lbs. Now, I might have been (very) slightly underweight when we got married, but not 40lbs. Of course, I had a trio of events that contributed to my weight gain. Before we got married I quit smoking, which of course left me with an oral fixation that needed to be filled. Then we got married, so I had to cook. My husband could exist on hamburgers, potatoes, and ice cream, and yet he's tall and slender. I could eat a bowl of cereal for dinner and be happy, but that wasn't going to cut it for him. Plus, it's hard to eat something "healthy" when you've got someone eating a burger or cheese sticks, or whatever right next to you. I LOVE fattening food, I can't help it. We also ate a LOT of fast food when we first got married, because we worked the afternoon shift and it was just way easier to stop on the way to work to get something to eat. To top that all off, after a few months of marriage, I took the opportunity to quit working to be a SAHM to my 2 children, as well as Ande's daughter when she was at our house. So now, not only was I eating more because I quit smoking, eating less healthy because it was easier on me, but I was also not burning whatever calories I used to burn by working on my feet 8-12 hour a day, 5-7 days each week.

Fast forward to my 3rd pregnancy - I didn't gain a whole lot, and I lost every pound in 2 weeks. Unfortunately I was still about 30lbs heavier than I probably should be. Within 9 months, I was pregnant again. I gained a little more that time, but still lost it all within a couple of weeks. (Most of my weight was water) Somehow, I have now managed to put on approximately 20lbs in the last year. I don't have any idea how much I weigh, because I hate the idea of even stepping on a scale.

Now we're up to the present. My husband knows that I am unhappy with my weight. Yet he does things that aren't helping me. A few months ago, I got a treadmill (it was free - YEAH). He asked why I wanted it. ( WALK on?) I sort of lost my desire to try to do this for a while, but Devin's decision to try to lose weight and get in better shape helped give me some motivation to work on myself again. Last night, I made chicken for dinner. I only made enough for each person to have one serving (which is plenty). I figure I need to start my quest towards a better body with some portion control. My husband ate his piece and asked if there was more. I told him there wasn't, but that he could have some of mine. I cut about 1/3 off of my chicken and offered it to him. So then he says, "but you're hungry." I told him that I didn't NEED to eat the entire piece of chicken, and he responds with, "You're eating like a bird, what have you eaten today?" So I told him what I had eaten, and he still didn't want to take the chicken. I finally just put it on his plate. Problem solved, right?

This morning, when I was getting ready to take my son to the bus stop before school, my husband asked if I would start his car. I said I would, and he proceeds to tell me that he bought me a candy bar and it's in the console of his car. ARGH!!! What is it with him? (BTW, I left the candy bar in his car. I didn't even LOOK at it)

Does anyone else have this problem????


Devin said...

Whew, Julie, that is tough one.

Fortunately for me, my hubby is being very supportive. He actually wants to lose some weight too (about 10-15 pounds) so he isn't minding the changes I have made to the meals this past week. (By the way, some of the changes I will keep--using turkey sausage (wonderful!) in place of pork italian sausage; and some of them I will not--using skim ricotta instead of the whole--YUCK, and I will just sacrifice with smaller portions and have the real thing!)

I would say this, and this is stricly MY OPINION, so of course, take if for whatever you want to: I think it would be a really good idea to sit down with your hubby--when the kids are NOT around, so after bedtime, or on a 'date night', if you get them....whenever you can have his undivided attention--and let him know what you have decided to do, and just exactly how important it is to you. That while you understand that HE doesn't have to eat this way to stay slim, you are unhappy about how you look and in order to do something about it, YOU are going to need to make some changes.

These changes are for the benefit of EVERYONE. When you are cooking better and eating better, it is better for the whole family. We all know that stats on what fattening food does to the body (and I am right there with you, when you say how much you LOVE fattening food--for me it's ice cream, fried foods, pizza, and just TOO MUCH of all of those things and everything else!) The thing to learn here is that we can still indulge in these things, but it can NOT be on a regular basis--not only for our figures, but for our HEALTH!!

Try to let him know that you will do your best to make these changes as easy as they can be on everyone (the younger ones probably won't even notice a difference!), but that this is extremely important to you, and in order to succeed, you NEED his help. Trying to get you to eat more, or buying you candy bars, while a sweet gesture to let you know that he is thinking about you, will not help you on this journey. Also, I think he needs to understand that even if HE doesn't 'mind' the way you look now, (and don't guys always say that?) YOU are unhappy with it, and you are working very hard to try to change it! It will be hard, and an uphill battle no doubt--we will be here to support you, but his support is KEY to your success. No one will be able to encourage you like he can, and unfortunately, no one will tear you down faster than he if he is being unsupportive.

~I hope this helps~! And please understand, I am saying all of this without knowing Ande ONE LICK--so this is not a reflection at all of his personality, just a general observation that I think all of our hubbies need to abide by!

The Other Julie said...

Well said Devin! And great job staying away from the candy bar!

The Boe's ~ said...

This is great stuff :) I totally am SCARED to death of "swimsuit season" and am ready to do this. I am friends with Devin and hang out with her sister and brother in law! I also have 3 boys under 4 so I"m ready! The only bad thing is I"m moving in 4-5 weeks so thats going to kill my exercise time, unless you count packing exercise and not having enough time to really eat during all of that--HAHA! I want to lose @ 20 lbs! Would love to be the size/weight I was when I was married almost 8 years ago! Summer, here I come!!!!!!!